slowspin's Xanga

Wish

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 08:41:48 GMT

It must be nice to be so small.

Edit, 12.17am

And they tell me that a peace will rise
But i can't see it
And they tell me there's a fire burning inside
But it's a long way down to feel
Till the dropping bombs and the gunshot songs
We'll see it

So keep on walking, till the light you promised comes
Keep on walking, my love

It's ironic how this is one of those weekends where i'm not going out to catch a movie, or tutor, or anything of that sort but i've really felt nothing but down. I don't know why. Just some realities i guess, they never fail to hit close to home. And my mind is just FILLED with questions- so i'm insecure, sue me. Insecure about my future and everything that's got to do with it. Really hope next sem will be a happier sem, with more things to do, i don't like feeling so uninvolved, I'M WORKING ON IT, but i really am hoping for a turn of events. Don't know what the likelihood of it is. Probably have to wait quite a while more till i can find out. ): Grah it's killing me.

Financial Damage Done This Wk

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:16:53 GMT

Obviously being less stressed about essays + worrying about final year exams has amounted to large financial damage, i should refrain from going out. This week i spent less than $10 on food. BUT.

Shopping:
Room290 Peach studded top - $24.00
TSL Candy striped top (2nd hand) - $12.00
!Ohvola dress (2nd hand) - $10.00
Bonitochico peacock top - $24.00
Nellyjoy denim vest (2nd hand) - $18.00
Papermarket 2010 planner (OMG DAMN NICE X 100000) - $23.80
Papermarket gift for Mom - $6.90
Dad's birthday card + fridge accessories (on a whim) - $7.80

OMG KILL ME NOW AS IF I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG argh ): So ashamed of myself, to think i wrote in my planner this wk - NO MORE THAN 2 THINGS.

Edit, 1.33am

Should not be disappointed. I didnt expect anything anyway. Why would it happen right? I hope for too much all the time. Took nice photos today. Did nothing academic today. Exams are in.. 16 days. Oh-ma-gawd.

Tennessee line just changed my mind

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:01:58 GMT

Open my lungs to breathe in forgiveness and love
Haunting me now, reminders of how, i used to be
Long down the road, my troubles are sure to follow
Looking out the window, and if i know, where i will go
So i just keep on driving

On my way to LA, looking into the rearview, as the roads fade away
Sworn off my past, first and last bad that call i've ever made
Tell me how to make right, every wrong turn that i've learnt so this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my mind, well it's my heart i'll follow this time

Who would've known, pride is so hard to swallow
As i rest on the shoulder of a love grown colder, with the trouble i own
Should i just keep on driving?

On my way to LA, looking into the rearview, as the roads fade away
Sworn off my past, first and last bad call that i've ever made
Tell me how to make right, every wrong turn that i've learnt so this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my mind, well it's my heart i'll follow this time

Haven't been a fan of daughtry for some time but this song is a winner! (: Been kind of disappointed this past week, worried for exams, but not worried enough to start. I really am very lazy when it comes to starting my engine, disappointing disappointing.

Checked fb this morning and i turned off like one million of my notification emails already so i didn't even see that people posted on my wall! And weirong answered some social interview qn and said i'd never leave my home without my ipod teehee when i saw it it kind of reminded me how everyone knows me for my earphones+ipod, don't know, i love my music and i think i'd die without it. Sad to say but i think music's my best companion in life at this point, rlly makes me very happy.

It's the last day of the second last week of school, time has really, really, really, flown by. Friends made over the past term: some of them i hope we'll stay friends for a long time (: like Lalitha, Jasmine particularly, i'm so thankful i've met them over the past term and they mean so much to me - in fact sad to say i think i see them more than my og friends, whom i hardly ever see >:( And next wk Abbie will be away so-- I CAN FINALLY STUDY, hope that i'll be more active next term too, see how this whole application thing goes though.

I've got so many plans for the december hols but i'm not sure if they'll happen! Really hoping to though, i can't wait for hols basically because then i won't have to worry about constant-work. And now that the essay madness is over i realize it really means theres no excuse to not study ): ARGH which is better- worrying about deadlines or studying for end of years?? We're going to be stuck in this cycle forever. Anyway. Okay (: I'm off, soci lecture in an hour. I CAN'T BELIEVE SCHOOL'S ENDING.

what would life be without music?

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:56:28 GMT

Standing out in the rain
Need to know if it's over
Cause i'll leave you alone
Flooded with all the pain
Knowing that i'll never hold you
Like i did before the storm

Miley cyrus (: Anyway, yesterday my mom dropped me off for lessons, and it was pouring, and all the songs i was listening to had like, motifs of rain. Coincidence much. Can't believe school's ending though i must say the end of the term has taken a slightly more optimistic turn, i hope it doesn't prove to be false-i-fed, that said, i really must start studying for my end of year exams, 3 weeks and i think i can win queen of slack award.

Burberry's launch @ ion is really not the thing for me: i'm 19 and i really didn't see the big deal, in fact it was insanely boring and i wanted to cry out of boredom. So many things to do these few days but i rlly don't have time to go down to town argh ): And gosh i need to do soci readings for tomorrow's tutorial but i am SO prepared to throw in the towel and give up right now. No point trying anyway and tmr i'll just do my best to answer him. This whole notion of trying to wake up earlier is quite an epic fail sometimes.

This was a fruitless update but photos soon since it's november!

EDIT: 11.30pm

Sick of thinking what you're thinking
Sick of being your punching bag
Sick of being scared of your reactions
Sick of you judging me

Just some time away maybe. just maybe.

Nagging feelings

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:26:41 GMT

So many thoughts to different people right now, i should've been asleep a long time ago, i promised myself that tonight (2/11) would be my rest night since the deadlines are finally OVER. So glad they are, so proud of Lalitha and myself for our MS essay, think we'll get a decent grade, did so much good research! And the lit essay for a last minute pathetic attempt: maybe it won't be so screwed up. So for one night i'm not going to worry, not going to worry about everything, the worrying will begin tomorrow, when i've finally had a not worrying night's worth of sleep. No bible study to do this wk either since me, the "genius", did week 11's readings for week 10. WHAT A JOKE, sat in class and tried to contribute but it was such a stupid attempt. And liveline with Bev's and my trip's article is out! Here's the link (: Have this new playlist: full of miley cyrus and daughtry mainly, quite funny. And school is looking up, for a bit, finally. So relieved.

I have to try anyway, don't i?
I can't give up on you now right?
HOW TO STUDY LIKE THAT?
Stop fighting please.
I'm standing here but you don't see me

And the most important thought of all right now, i don't know why of all weeks there has to be some mega photo spam of acsian theatre on fb OMG NOSTALGIA ): and mega spam on the council photo but hey i miss you guys and i hope we have a gathering soon even though Kel's gone for now ):

Sometimes i feel like kicking myself for not enjoying the moment more: like. I remember in south africa i was so terrified of messing up any of the songs i was playing: like Ling's piece for the south african ambassador (sp?) or something, the band songs at all the girls' schools, i even remember when Nick asked us to play You Give Love a Bad Name impromptu for Jeppe's performance i was so nervous i wanted to vomit, and when we were enjoying the wonderful safari out in the super huge super peaceful open i was worried about the next few days.

And when there was council i'd worry about deadlines, minutes!!, problems, everything under the sun. I wonder why i worry so much sometimes it makes me so annoyed with myself =.=

I need to appreciate the moment more, sometimes before i can grasp hold of it it's gone, though it was magical and i was too stupid to worry so much before it flew away just like that.

OKAY, 1230AM earliest night's sleep i've had in like 5 days MUST SLEEP MUST SLEEP (: And my mom has this invite to burberry's opening at ion with great free food :D TOMORROW! Okay tired, goodnight! (:

Edit 5.58pm:
"Sometimes, we don't realize the lines we've drawn until we've crossed them, that's when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back, and give us something to hold on to. - Gossip Girl, s3e08

It's november the 1st

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:45:50 GMT

I have to say i'm disappointed with myself: i might do badly for this lit essay and i feel like i'm on the outside sitting, watching myself crash but i'm not doing anything about it. Since when was a lit question this hard? Are my points sufficient? 3 points, super analyzed for a 1500 word essay worth 20% of my grade- really. I expected more from myself but recently i've just been so tired, i think i've been sleeping really late and it's not even from doing anything remotely productive. On one hand i'm happy i finished my MS essay, on the other i wish i did a better job for this. I know i could've but i just feel like this weekend my mind gave in and refused to think properly. Disappointed with myself, lots at stake this term, and moreover i just can't wait for tomorrow to be over - then i can start studying for my end of year exams, today's the 1st, my exams are on the 23rd. Good LORD.. How am i going to finish the past month's readings in time??

On a lighter note.. Thank God October is over, it was an insanely tiring month, with Abbie's exams, presentations, one million essays, this is university. Sigh.

I'm standing here but you don't see me

and just like that, it's over

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:44:07 GMT

Just this once, just for now
And just like that, it's over

Don't turn away, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid, keep it all inside, keep it all inside
When you fall apart, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard, for the belle of the boulevard

I'm not sure if i'll be the same after all this waiting is over.

Shingz

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:06:19 GMT

So basically i got home from tutoring Abbie at 630pm:

it rained.
i wanted to run, and didn't get to run because it rained.
i watched survivor - can't believe they voted liz off, and i was so upset foa foa lost everything again
ate dinner
editted + concluded my malay studies essay- probably the only good thing i did tonight
online shopped.
talked to some people i haven't talked to online for quite some time, it was nice, then i lost concentration on my lit essay
got even more bored and watched everything on youtube i even watched stuff about Ris Low which is such a not-me thing, i thought it was hilarious though, i can't believe Abbie said shingz to me online -_-"

I'm still at 135/1500 of my lit essay OH MA GAD. I NEED TO DO IT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOOOOOOOOOOW helppp ): Serves me right though.

Songs of the moment

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:16:49 GMT

Thank God it's friday.

I've a semi new playlist of songs.. On youtube, at least till i get fang or timchua to help me download hint hint hint (: Suddenly i'm listening to Miley cyrus songs (i can't believe it, really). Shout out to shu who reads my blog! :D Stop playing icy tower okay!

Songs of the moment, for now

So hard with my girls not around me
The butterflies fly away

The sound of an old guitar is saving you from sinking
It's a long way down, it's a long way
Don't turn away: dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid: keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart: dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard, for the belle of the boulevard
(best moment from one tree hill this season)

So hold on, to me tight
Hold on, i promise it will be alright
'Cause we're stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone

You're everything i need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby i can see your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road

Send it on, on and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part, reach a heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action,
The chain reaction will stop,
Make it strong,
Shine a light and send it on

Playlist tracks:
Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus
Belle of the Boulevard - Dashboard Confessional
Hold On - Michael Buble
Halo - Beyonce
Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Send It On - Disney's Friends for Change

I must say the best two songs of the playlist are def the dashboard confessional one and the friends for change one (you know i'm a fan of disney (: ). There's this perfect clip for the OTH-soundtrack one with dashboard confessional's Belle of the Boulevard, embedding was disabled! >:( But watch anw k it was such a moment (:

Clay + Sara's best scene on OTH 7.07, background music: Dashboard Confessional's Belle of the Boulevard, Clay's ex-wife was played by the girl who was the main dancer from Centre Stage! No wonder she looked so familiar.. Song was-- PERFECT.

And!!

Great morning - sausage mcmuffin with egg for breakfast DOES ANYONE HAVE SENTOSA COVE haha i find it amusing how there are people on sgflea who ask for like, monopoly pieces. I want 50000$ too but i doubt it'll happen so i shall just go back to tutoring to earn money the good ol' way. Intro to my lit essay done.. Like 60 words in out of the 1500 words, i should begin another countdown on msn like i did for my gps essay (HAHA), skyped with Bev (: Later on today: tutoring Abbie, jogging i think if it doesn't rain, SURVIVOR and hopefully Grey's if my essay is near done. Tmr: disciple, movie with Manfred. Exciting weekend! Watch the videos okay-- awesome stuff.

okay, edit

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:55:10 GMT

I find it amazing that even when i complain i'm busy and i have one million essays (that's all i've ever been doing since i started FASS) to write, i still die-die make time for my tv shows. CRAZY OBSESSION i swear, they're just so much fun to watch, they make the end of the year, despite stress levels running high because of exams, something to look forward to and there are few things i look forward to every week.. I look forward to skyping with Bev (alternate weeks so far), the weekend in general, but EVERYDAY there's always something to watch :D And when there isn't, (ie. saturday or sunday), it's the weekend! So who cares because that's probably my happiest time of the week already.

So. I thought i'd write some of my takes on all these tv shows, short snippets because i've had quite a lot of views recently about them! And then i'll get back to my malay essay i need to find some stuff about MAK YONG, hello friends who read if you Know anything about mak yong please tell me because the internet isn't my friend today and yahoo has proved to give sites that are not even considered reliable in Loh Tze Chieg's eyes. GOSH I REMEMBER HER - "Class, do not EVER use wikipedia, it is the MOST unreliable source"; and it stuck since then even though THEN, i didn't even know what wikipedia was. Anyway.

So.. I haven't really had time to watch all this week because BELIEVE IT OR NOT, i exercised self control and figured sleeping at about 1am everyday instead of 2.30 or 3 if i caught up with my tv shows was better for my studies on a whole.

So, starting with sunday.

Sunday - Brothers and sisters, right now at season 4.
The storyline's been really good so far, i like the character development of all the characters- the reason why i love b&s so much is because that's got to be the most dysfunctional family ever - workaholic oldest sister, MIA oldest brother, etc etc. Nothing's wrong with them at all, i feel like they really bring out the best theme of the show: that family's always the most important, and you can't live without your family, even if you feel like killing them sometimes. Most of the time i feel like that with my family but somehow with school being like a Battlefield sometimes, everyone being rather kiasu, when i get home from taking BTC1 and i tap my card on the backgate i always feel this relief: school is over, and i'm coming home (in the words of Daughtry where your love has always been enough for me). And that's really the best part of it all (: I loved b&s ever since i watched it after A's for fun because Stuart said it was the best shit next to Grey's and i've been hooked ever since (: On top of that the music soundtrack for the season is good: i know Sara labelled as me as the ipodder last time because i'm obsessed with my ipod/music and so i appreciate a good, fitting soundtrack. ABC has a good music director and though i doubt he/she will ever read this, it makes me hope to do music pairings sometime in my life! Another of my unrealistic stupid dreams which are probably never going to happen. On the whole, nice show, nice show. And getting better too! The storyline hasn't failed to please yet (:

Monday - Gossip girl s3 and One tree hill s7
Not much to say about gossip girl actually, haven't been impressed so far. Although i know shu doesn't like hilary duff I LOVED HER LAST TIME so i'm glad she made some cameo on the set for the past few episodes. Fresh faces are nice (: Storyline is quite same old same old, i like how they moved to university though, Blair facing fitting in troubles has to be a first but it's refreshing to see how she isn't the supposed perfect queen bee, it makes her human and adds colour to the show. And she and chuck have become a very cute couple (:
ONE TREE HILL, on the other hand. I must say when it was announced that season 6 WASN'T the end of the show (it ended beautifully about how we are who we choose to be), i figured the show would die because oth without Chad michael murray just Isn't oth. And i was disappointed with the season's start! With introductions of Quinn and Clay i thought it was quite irrelevant and uninteresting. But..... (this is also what made me want to blog about tv shows), tonight's episode was fantastic and emotion ridden and i got my warm-fuzzy feeling after it ended. Nathan and haley had been facing some case about this woman who said nathan had gotten her pregnant and after it'd been dragging on for so long i was sooo happy to see how dan stood up for nathan on national television and put an end to it once and for all. "Character makes everything". (: And i love how they've developed Quinn and Clay so quickly and indepthly that it feels like they've been on the show forever. That was one of the most recent best episodes of One tree hill, the past best coming from s5 or s6, and it was great (: Touching, heartbreakingly good and just.. Fantastic!

Tuesday - 90210 s2
Pretty good show, season 2 beats season 1 any day. Think the show is great now, i look forward to it more than i used to but i feel like it may be pushing some of the relationships a bit far! Dixon-sasha?? =.= And annie-jasper, at some point i got a bit frustrated watching those two because they used to be my favourite characters (dixon and annie) and now i just can't be bothered to watch them. But the show has a lot of potential! If not i would've stopped watching already because season 1 was rather sucky x)

Wednesday - GLEE s1
Every single person i've talked to i've told about glee: raymond jas fang jia etc etc, it's such a refreshing change from high school musical and while i'm a big hsm fan, glee is just as good, if not even funnier. I feel it's different from the other tv shows: it doesn't cotton candy-fy everything, the people who were originally in glee were losers and all the characters played it well. But i felt the show really shows the magic of team work: how on their own they're not as good as compared to if they were together. Glee's rlly something i look forward to mid week too: it makes the week so much easier! It's always satirical, makes the right jabs, creates the right laughs- like i know jia loves the footballers dancing to Beyonce's single ladies across the field, and it just provides a mid week breather. I love the show and i've loved every episode so far. ON TOP OF THAT-- fantastic soundtrack!! it's coming out next week and i've already asked my mom to help me get it when she sees it on shelves (: Fox has had a great come back :D

Thursday - Grey's Anatomy s6
Grey's is.. Always something to look forward to i guess, i was never a fan of medical shows: i couldn't be bothered with scrubs, or nip/tuck or house but grey's is just something special! My mom reckons i like it because of the ultra medicine-drama kind of thing. S5 was rocky but the ending was extremely good, one of the best season finales i've seen before, but i have this feeling s6 is kind of.. Taking a while to lift off. Sad that the original 5 aren't there anymore, and Bailey (my favourite!!) is hardly present and i still can't figure out if Katherine Heigl is in or out! Either way, still love the music: so glad gwee gave me his entire music collection of grey's music from s1-s4/s5 last year while studying for a's, it really provided the soundtrack of my life, haha. ABC again! Good music director, really really good. But! The most recent ep of grey's was imo, fantastic. Loved how it was like a mystery BUT I READ SPOILERS BEFORE THAT ): and it was so action packed and well filmed. Read some reviews (The tv maniac i am) that people didn't think it was great but i thought it was probably the best episode since the season kicked off a month plus back. Hopefully the standard will remain! (:

Friday - Survivor s19
I remember writing some crazy entry about survivor some time back and clari said "THAT'S PROBABLY THE LONGEST ENTRY YOU'VE WRITTEN SO FAR AND IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR LIFE", or something along those lines! Really have loved survivor since survivor 2: the outback! However...... I thought survivor 18: tocantins was nothing great because jt won by a landslide against stephen (i can't believe i actually remember this) and it wasn't great competition. BUT THIS SEASON. OMG it's got to be the worst yet.. Why would they put people in just to pull them out?? They've pulled out 2 people in the show already, and i've been quite disappointed in general. The directors have started to mega merge reward challenges with immunity ones and that ruins the fun of the show! The fun comes fromw atching the challenges. So. Disappointed. last wk's episode was the "best": challenge cut short, someone pulled out, AND NO ONE VOTED OUT. -.-" Sigh. Hope it gets better.

Oh i forgot! Singapore idol, yes i watch it, shu/fong always say i shouldn't but whatever. I started watching because Frances Charlene etc were in the top 24 and i just decided to continue watching for the rest of the season. It's quite exciting! They're pretty good this time, all so young, and i guess it's local tv so we should support anw (:

OKAY. So, in 5 mins singapore idol results show is starting again..... And that concludes my ridiculously long review about tv shows. Haha (: Still have 1000+ words left for MS with Lalitha and STILL HAVE MY 1500 WORDS FOR LIT LEFT. Hope i start tonight ): Kinda semi saved my grade for now because my lit essay on TBE did okay but now i really have to pull it up! Must do my best for what's left since i clearly can't change the past. Okay, over and out (:

BEST moment of OTH this season so far:
Clay: I don't want to lose us.
Sara: You can't erase who we were or what we had. No one can. We burned so bright together. You won't lose that.
Clay: I loved you so much, Sara.
Sara: You were perfect for me, and you always will be. But now it's time to let go.